24. Not Just a Doodle.
Drawing is one of the few hobbies I can still do (occasionally) with severe ME, and I now have an Instagram account where I’ll be sharing photos of my drawings and doodles (link at the end of the post).
Unlike my writing, I don’t use art as an advocacy tool, it’s purely for enjoyment and relaxation, but I have come to realise that it also serves another purpose.
l’ve always loved to draw/doodle patterns, but it was during lockdown that I started these really elaborate doodles. What makes these different from other drawings I do, is that I set myself a few rules:
I don’t plan ahead. I do reuse/repeat patterns across my drawings, but otherwise I make them up as I go along. On occasion I might think of something I’d like to try and I make a mental note of it, but I don’t practice it first.
I’m not allowed to start again. My natural instinct if I draw something that I don’t like, is to rip it up and start again, and beat myself up over my mistake, but I don’t let myself do that with these. If I don’t like something, I disguise it, or I let it go and live with it. It’s been effective in helping me cope with my autistic perfectionism and ‘all or nothing’ tendencies, which, as someone with severe ME, is utterly exhausting to live with.
More recently, I also realised that drawing patterns is a form of stimming (self-stimulating behaviour) for me. It reduces my attention/focus to one thing, which helps to calm/regulate my constantly overthinking and anxious brain.
I’m very grateful that it’s something I can still do, when I have the energy.